When I walk into a classroom these days I feel like I am walking into a dance studio. I am the only one who isn’t moving, learning, expressing, struggling or stretching and as a result, find myself sticking out like a sore thumb. For one, my clothes are too clean. And generally, a clipboard and pen now accompany me. I stand by the door observing, trying not to reflect on how much I’m interrupting by simply doing nothing.
I get the feeling that teachers want me to see perfection when I enter their classroom. But there’s no such thing as a perfect pre-k class. When I was teaching everyday, my classroom felt a lot like a studio. What happened there was imperfect, unfinished, and always a work in progress. I worked with an instructional assistant so I always had a “partner” to bounce ideas off of, to make sure I wasn’t too far off the mark. Now I am by myself when I am “working.”
I walk into other teacher’s studios. I know they can’t be sure how to interact with me. I am a supervisor and I am also too familiar with the imperfections of the classroom. Working in a preschool classroom is one of the most primal experiences you can have in education. I am talking body fluid primal. I am talking pure joy, pure rage, pure uncertainty, cultures clashing, towers smashing, tricycles crashing.
I could always tell how comfortable a visitor was with this primal experience by how far they came into my classroom. Another pre-k teacher might make it all the way back to the dramatic play area. Most, especially principals and school board members, never made it past the line-up line. The energy, chaos, joy, and terror, stopped them like a moat of tears. It was shallow, but who would want to get their feet wet in “real” teaching when they could just as easily not muddy the waters of their ideals with the human drama and primal experience of real pre-k kids.
image: http://www.metmuseum.org/works_of_art/collection_database/european_paintings/the_dance_class_edgar_degas/objectview.aspx?collID=11&OID=110003530
image: http://www.buzzle.com/img/articleImages/294252-3328-5.jpg
What a beautiful post. Your writing is like art. Your metaphors are so clear.
Sounds to me like you are being your own harshest critic. They are so lucky to have you. They are.
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I enjoyed your writing!! Your Job is too identical!!