Occasionally, I get an email from one of our
readers. When I do, I always respond back. When I got this recent email
though, I asked the gentleman if I could re-post our correspondence so
that other parents might benefit from our insights. He agreed, so long
as his real name was replaced by a pseudonym.
Mr. Vikram B.:
Read
some of your articles and found them to be very informative. I have a
five year old going to pre-k. He knows his ABCs, colors and other
stuff. But some days at school he will sit and not do his tasks and
also not eat anything, will cry a bit and when the teachers ask him why
he says I miss my dad (thats me). I have tried to encourage him, and of
course always get him back from school in time, but his behavior has
not improved a whole lot. Any suggestions on what can we do?
I
understand how frustrating it can be to have your child cry when you
have made the decision for them to enter school. Sometimes children
will be upset for very real reasons that have nothing to do with why
they say they are upset. They can become upset as a form of trying to
influence (manipulate) their surroundings, including the adults in
their lives. And sometimes there is something they actually do just
miss − like a mom or a dad − and must become accustomed to the separation from a loved one.
I
would ask the teacher how he interacts with the other children and
adults in the room. If he is "fine," then he may be enjoying the
attention he gets from being unhappy. If he is withdrawn, there may be
some classroom considerations that can be discussed with the teacher
and /or director of the center. There can be children in the class with
unacceptable behavior that is not addressed proactively, or there can
be a lack of intellectual challenge for your son, or the teacher may
just be unengaged. All of these situations could cause your son to
express himself through crying.
How to change it…
One
way I have seen children improve their outlook on school is when they
can bring a part of their life from home into school. This could mean,
with teacher approval, bringing a toy or game that they can share. This
puts them in a powerful position and allows them to gain what we would
call "respect" from other students by making them the center of
attention.
Two weeks later I emailed Mr. Virkam B. to check
on his son. He emailed back, "Its been going pretty good since the last
two weeks have been seeing improvement every day."
Often just
the slightest confirmation of belonging can help a child transition
into the life of a classroom. What are some strategies that you have
tried as a parent or a teacher?
Image from: http://www.childinjurylawyerblog.com/BabyCrying.jpg
